Friday, April 15, 2011

Coyotes or Jets? TVOS Presents: Glendale - The Musical!

Amidst radio reports from Toronto that the Phoenix Coyotes are once again all but assured of landing in Winnipeg, possibly becoming the Manitoba Jets as soon as the current NHL playoffs conclude, I put forth this question, should we consider renaming this franchise The Vikings? After all, whether the team stays in the desert or heads back to the Canadian Prairies, when the story of this franchise is explained to future generations there will be more layers to this tale than a Norse saga.

Seriously though, could a Hollywood scriptwriter come up with a more convoluted tale than what we have witnessed for the past several years when it comes to the Jets/Coyotes/Jets franchise? Of course, if it is to be successful at the box office, this saga should be written as a musical with big-name stars in every role.

Casting ideas: Perhaps Patrick Stewart could play The Commissioner and Colm Feore, a masterful actor, should be considered for the role of the Prominent Real-Estate Developer. Larry David could play the part of the Reluctant Owner and any of Hollywood’s leading men could be cast as Hero 1, 2 and 3, the potential buyers. To add some vocal range to the cast and perhaps add a love triangle to the plot, Alanis can play the role of the Canadian Billionaire, with Mel Brooks taking on the role of Glendale. Legendary Canadian Anne Murray will star as the Canadian Prairies and to mix things up, how about casting William Shatner as the Taxpayer Watchdog.

TVOS Presents: Glendale - The Musical!

A prominent real-estate developer wants to build up an area in the city of Glendale. He brings his reluctant partner with him from what could have been a successful venture in Scottsdale, Arizona for their hockey franchise to an area approximately an hour away from the team’s existing fan base. Upon convincing Glendale to borrow money and finance a new arena, he sells his shares of the team to his partner, who purchases the franchise for fear of losing his initial investment completely. The Westgate area is never fully developed, leaving the city searching for the tax revenue it was promised and the reluctant partner begins pouring money into the franchise.

The economy begins to struggle and fearing for his own business, the once reluctant partner, tired of pouring money into his recently acquired hockey team, finds a willing buyer - a Canadian billionaire prepared to move the team to a cooler climate in a hockey market that is heating up. After dropping the entire mess of a situation into bankruptcy court, the Canadian billionaire offers twice what the franchise is actually worth, and a handsome payment to Glendale for their troubles, but the team will be on the move - that is a certainty.

Enter the league Commissioner from stage left... The team can work where it is and in fact, since we have already been supporting the franchise, we actually have control of the team; it should never have entered into bankruptcy in the first place. We, the league sings, have a long list of potential owners ready to keep the team where it is. We will in fact purchase the team with the promise to keep it where it is for at least one year - as long as Glendale agrees to pay for our losses.

All the while, the fans of the struggling franchise are left wondering why they should support a team that may no longer belong to them. While the product on the ice continues to excel, the losses mount - another $30 million this year, adding to the estimated $300 million the team has already lost. One owner arrives on the scene but the city will not renegotiate the lease for their facility to his liking - he exits stage right. Other owners arrive on the scene but they too fail to find a solution to the lease issue and sing their way off stage. Finally, a hero emerges to save everyone from this embarrassing situation. He will gladly purchase the team, but not with his own money.

Originally, the price tag offered up by the Canadian billionaire was in the range of $240 million, well above the actual value of the franchise, a completed sale would have increased the value of every franchise in the Commissioner’s league. Now the league needs $175 million to cover the price of the team and their losses. Our new hero sees the team’s value closer to the $75 million mark at this point; the business has been devalued due to the constant threat of relocation. As long as the city can borrow another $100 million and hand over control of the arena, he will gladly keep the team where it is for years to come.

Cue villainous organ music... Enter the taxpayer watchdog, saying that the $100 million loan is actually a subsidy, which is against the laws of the state and they will tie the whole process up in court for years to come if the proposed sale goes through. All parties involved are left in a staring contest. Who will blink first? Who has the better lawyers? What about the fact that this team’s fans are being held hostage through this whole process? Will the soundtrack for Glendale - The Musical! hit number one on the Billboard Charts? All are very important questions, especially the one about how the soundtrack will sell...

All the while, the loving city that has watched its team wander in the desert for 16 years is ready to welcome them home to the Canadian Prairies. They say you cannot go home again but that is exactly what they hope will happen. Like a blast of arctic air during a prairie winter, they are ready to whisk their team from the dry, dusty desert and bring them back to the land of the surging dollar and its robust economy. We have loved and lost they sing, we are ready to love again. It is not just any team that we want back; it is our team that we want back. We are ready to hang our portrait of the Queen once again and throw millions of dollars at the merchandise vendors and season ticket salesmen. Just bring our team home they sing, that is all we ask in exchange for a permanent role in Glendale - The Musical!

There is only one problem, the main cast is not done with their staring contest. No one has blinked yet...

Coyotes or Jets? No one seems to know - the production team is still in the process of casting Act 1. Perhaps, in a few weeks time, we will learn the answer when Act 2 of Glendale - The Musical! is released.

1 comment:

EMann said...

What a fantastic read!!!

I love the cast! But where did you ever come up with such a fantastic plot? You have one vivid imagination! Something straight out of Hollywood!!!

I only have one casting suggestion ... this guy named Bettman would be perfect as an extra in the role of one of the ticket scalpers!

Looking forward to hearing more production notes!!!